Jokes
1
Why did the wedding photographer get arrested?
She shot the bride and groom!
2
What do you call two spiders who just got married?
Newly-webs!
3
What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married?
Can’t elope.
4
What do you call a wedding between two electricians?
A current affair!
5
Why did the bride bring string to the wedding?
To tie the knot, of course!
6
What do you call a wedding where the groom is a baker?
A recipe for love!
7
Why did the florist get invited to so many weddings?
Because they always rose to the occasion!
8
Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey.
9
What did Cinderella say when her wedding photos didn’t show up?
Someday my prints will come!
10
Why did the king of hearts marry the queen of hearts?
They were perfectly suited for each other.
11
Why do you never want to let a computer know about your wedding?
They always crash.
12
Why are brides unlucky?
They never get to marry the Best Man.
13
Did you hear about the horse who got married?
She had a huge bridle party.
14
Two aerials got married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant!
15
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.
16
I just saw two nuclear technicians getting married.
The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.
17
If a bride says something mean to you that’s a veiled insult.
18
Why did the man show up with a scraggly beard?
He didn’t know how to groom.
19
The wedding is a love match, pure and simple.
She’s pure and he’s simple.
20
Did you hear about the two spiders who just got engaged?
They met on the web.
21
My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are…
But I laugh more.
22
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet…
It’s enough to make a mango crazy.
23
My wife just texted me to say she’s made a Voodoo doll of me.
I think she’s pulling my leg.
24
My wife asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public.
I said maybe!
25
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
26
My husband and I are both tightrope walkers.
We met online…
27
Wife: What do think you’re playing at coming home half drunk??!
Husband: I ran out of money.
28
I said to my wife, “I need to call the doctor today.”
She said, “Which doctor?”
I said, “No, the regular kind.”
29
I think my husband is putting glue on my antique weapons collection…
He denies it but I’m sticking to my guns!
30
My husband suggested I get a telescope, since I was so interested in astronomy.
I told him I’d look into it.
31
My wife says I’m too sceptical… but I just don’t believe her.
32
Did you hear about the two bed bugs that were lovers?
They got married in the spring.
33
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.
She still isn't talking to me.
34
I just bought my husband a “get better soon” card.
He is not sick…I just think he can be better.
35
When my husband accused me of being immature, I banished him from my pillow fort.
36
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.
I’m not buying it.
37
My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape.
That would be a big step forward.
38
How did the telephone propose?
It gave a ring.
39
What did the astronaut’s girlfriend say to him when he proposed in outer-space?
“I can’t breathe!”
40
How do you get a country girl to like you? A tractor.
41
What did the light bulb say to the switch? “You turn me on.”